Guide For the Parent of an Addict: How to Support Your Child's Recovery

A person struggling with addiction will frequently use deceptive ploys to acquire and use more of the substance, regardless of the harmful outcome for themself or other people. This can significantly damage your relationship with your child.

You can help change this situation with healthy communication. Clear and consistent communication will help you detect problems early and be able to react in appropriate ways. Being assertive includes balancing asking questions and actively listening to prompt a productive conversation. The best types of questions are open-ended and not judgmental. Open-ended questions can’t be answered with one word, so they allow for increased communication and a better trading of ideas.

Open-ended questions include:

• When did you start using drugs? (Ask “why” if you feel it is appropriate)
• What would make you want to quit?
• What do you dislike or like about the idea of getting treatment?
• What do you like or dislike about continuing to use the substance?

Being over-emotional is not part of assertive communication. If you become too sarcastic, upset, or irrational, leave the situation and plan to return to the subject at a later time. It’s essential to return to the conversation and not ignore it.

Focusing on the mistakes and poor decision-making by your child will only lower their confidence, harm their self-esteem, and decrease their sense of personal power. These results can lead to ongoing substance abuse. Instead of that, emphasize their positive traits and encourage positive behaviors.

When you use encouragement and optimism, it builds a sense of teamwork and cooperation while reducing negativity and conflict. According to NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse), don’t focus on past failures, You should concentrate on 3 positive messages:

• You can do it. (I believe in you. You can be successful)
• You have good ideas. (You are smart and able. How can I help you?)
• You are important. (I value you and need you in my life.)

If you keep these messages in mind, the communication will be enabling, not critical or defeating. Communicating that you want your child to grow to their full potential may also help you get them to a treatment center.

As the parent of an addicted individual, setting guidelines will establish clear expectations about acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Consistent, clear rules are linked to improved outcomes. Not only do guidelines help your child, but they also help determine your reactions to events as they arise. Additionally, clear guidelines can mitigate risk factors associated with substance abuse, such as the influence of parental behaviors and genetics.

Guidelines are best when they are developed with cooperation from your child. By doing it this way, all parties will have an understanding about the consequences of the behaviors before it is done. The best guidelines will be a list of cause-and-effect statements. “If this behavior occurs, then this response will be the consequence.” By establishing clear and consistent guidelines for the most likely events, you can lower the odds of emotionally driven reactions.

Remember that consistency is essential for navigating this time. Enforcement at some times and not at others will render them ineffective. This will harm the relationship with your child over time, and they may start to lose respect for you.

Since guidelines are a set of rules based on behaviors, boundaries are the things that you will and won’t do for your child. People with drug addictions are especially good at pushing the boundaries of loved ones, either directly or indirectly through manipulation.

The time to set your boundaries is during periods when you’re calm and thinking rationally about what you will or won’t accept. To prepare for establishing clear boundaries with your child, think about the following questions:

• Are you able to talk to your child with lying or blindly asserting your authority (“Because I said so.”)?
• Would you be willing to give up your needs for the needs of your child?
• What kind of treatment do you plan to seek for your child?

Stronger boundaries and guidelines will help your ability to lower stress. But to achieve the results you want, you must also practice self-care. This is the act of making your own needs a priority and ensuring your own rest. For parents of addicted children, it is a very important tool. As you try to take care of your child’s needs through long periods of chaos, your stress grows greater. Increased stress can become evident in several physical and mental health conditions such as:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Weak immune system (making you more likely to become ill)
• Attention and memory problems
• Obesity
• Cancer
• Arthritis
• Diabetes
• Heart disease

• Withdrawn, depressed, sullen
• Lack of motivation
• Uncommunicative
• Angry, hostile, uncooperative
• Secretive or deceitful
• Lack of focus
• Loss of inhibitions
• Unusually elated or hyperactive

• Changing relationships with friends and family members
• Loss of interest in activities, school, or work
• Absenteeism
• Avoiding eye contact
• Keeps door locked
• Disappears for extended periods
• Secretive with phone use
• Constantly makes excuses
• Goes out a lot and breaks curfew often
• Constantly needs money
• Unusually clumsy, stumbling, poor coordination
• Periods of sleeplessness or increased energy followed by long periods of sleep

• Unusual smells on breath or clothes
• Messier appearance than usual
• Poor hygiene
• Frequently flushed or red cheeks or face
• Burns or soot on lips or fingers
• Track marks on legs or arms
• Long sleeves in warm weather to hide track marks

• Frequent illness
• Unusual tiredness or lethargy
• Slurred or rapid-fire speech
• Inability to speak understandably
• Nosebleeds or runny noses not caused by a cold or allergies
• Sores around mouth
• Sudden weight gain or loss
• Bruises and skin abrasions
• Sweating frequently
• Seizures or vomiting