Support For Parents Of Addicts: How to Support Your Child's Recovery

A person struggling with addiction will frequently use deceptive ploys to acquire and use more of the substance, regardless of the harmful outcome for themself or other people. This can significantly damage your relationship with your child.

You can help change this situation with healthy communication. Clear and consistent communication will help you detect problems early and be able to react in appropriate ways. Being assertive includes balancing asking questions and actively listening to prompt a productive conversation. It is important to try to understand your child’s perspective during these discussions, showing empathy and openness. The best types of questions are open-ended and not judgmental. Because they can’t be answered with one word, they allow for increased communication and a better trading of ideas.

Open-ended questions include:

• When did you start using drugs? (Ask “why” if you feel it is appropriate)
• What would make you want to quit?
• What do you dislike or like about the idea of getting treatment?
• What do you like or dislike about continuing to use the substance?

Parents should participate actively in these conversations, engaging with their child to foster trust and honest dialogue. If you feel yourself speaking in a manner that’s sarcastic, upset, or irrational, leave the situation and plan to return to the subject at a later time. It’s essential to return to the conversation and not ignore it. Communication strategies should be adapted to the specific needs of each child to ensure the most effective support.

Maintaining a supportive attitude is crucial. Focusing on the mistakes and poor decision-making by your child can only lower their confidence, harm their self-esteem, and decrease their sense of personal power. These results can lead to ongoing substance abuse.

Instead of that, emphasize their positive traits and encourage positive behaviors. When you use encouragement and optimism, it builds a sense of teamwork and cooperation while reducing negativity and conflict. Concentrate on three positive messages:

• You can do it. (I believe in you. You can be successful.)
• You have good ideas. (You are smart and able. How can I help you?)
• You are important. (I value you and want you in my life.)

If you keep these messages in mind, the communication can be enabling, not critical or defeating. An intervention specialist can assist families in planning and conducting interventions when necessary.

As the parent of an addicted individual, it’s important to establish clear expectations about acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Consistent, clear rules are linked to improved outcomes. Not only do guidelines help your child, but they also help determine your reactions to events as they arise. Clear guidelines can mitigate risk factors associated with substance abuse, such as the influence of parental behaviors and genetics.

Guidelines are best when they are designed specifically for your family’s situation and developed with cooperation from your child. It is important that your child actively participates in the process of setting these guidelines. By doing it this way, all parties will have an understanding of the consequences of the behaviors before it is done.

The best guidelines will be a list of cause-and-effect statements. This includes statements in the form of: “If this behavior occurs, this will be the consequence.” By establishing clear and consistent guidelines for the most likely events, you can lower the odds of emotionally driven reactions.

Consistency is essential for navigating this time of healing. Enforcement of rules at some times and not others will render them ineffective. This can also harm the relationship with your child over time, and they may start to lose respect for you.

Guidelines are a set of rules based on behaviors, and boundaries are the things that you will and won’t do for your child. People with drug addictions can become good at pushing the personal boundaries of loved ones, either directly or indirectly through manipulation. When boundaries are not maintained, it can lead to codependency, where parents may unintentionally enable their child’s addiction.

The time to set boundaries is during periods when you’re calm and thinking rationally about what you will or won’t accept. Think about examples such as picking them up in dangerous situations, helping them get a job, sending money, or even accepting phone calls after a certain time of day.

To fully support someone healing from substance use disorder, you must practice self-care. This is the act of making your own needs a priority and ensuring your own rest.

For parents of addicted children, self-care is a very important tool to help cope with the ongoing struggle of supporting a child with addiction. Increased stress can lead to inconsistent enforcement of boundaries, not thinking through important decisions, or reacting in an emotionally charged manner. Your family needs you to be consistent during this period of healing. Sacrifice in times of stress is not virtuous or helpful. It just adds to the list of people struggling (and who need support) within the family.

• Withdrawing from social obligations
• Acting depressed or sullen
• Lack of motivation
• Uncommunicative
• Acting hostile or defensive
• Secretive or deceitful behavior
• Lack of focus
• Loss of inhibitions
• Unusually elated or hyperactive

• Changing relationships with friends and family members
• Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed
• Skipping school or work
• Avoiding eye contact
• Keeps the door locked
• Disappearing for extended periods
• Becoming more secretive about phone use
• Making excuses for disappearances
• Constantly needing money
• Stumbling or poor coordination
• Periods of sleeplessness or increased energy, followed by long periods of sleep

• Unusual smells on breath or clothes
• Poor hygiene
• Neglect of personal appearance
• Frequently flushed cheeks or face
• Bloodshot eyes
• Burns or soot on lips or fingers
• Track marks on legs or arms

• Frequent illness
• Unusual tiredness or lethargy
• Slurred or rapid-fire speech
• Inability to speak understandably
• Nosebleeds or runny noses (not caused by a cold or allergies)
• Sores around the mouth
• Sudden weight gain or loss
• Bruises and skin abrasions
• Sweating not caused by exertion
• Withdrawal symptoms like shaking, sweating, or nausea
• Seizures or vomiting