A Recovery Guide for the Spouse of An Addict

The most common issue to arise from a family that has someone with a substance abuse disorder in it is the potential for violence. The most common instances are when the person with the addiction is not able to secure their “supply” of whatever substance they are addicted to. In these instances, the person could feel highly agitated and will instantly react violently to anyone who tries to interact with them. This belligerence has often resulted in one or more family members requiring medical attention for injuries and the person with addiction being in the custody of the police.

The violence in a family with an addict in it could also be directed the other way, as the person who has the habit could be the victim of domestic abuse. For many people who silently suffer physical and verbal abuse at home, any kind of escape from the cruelty would be instantly welcomed. Sadly, one of the most common forms of escape would be through the use of substances. The problem with this is that the substance abuse disorder could feed off the misery created by the abuse, pushing the person with the addiction deeper into the habit, until they are so far gone that they are already in organ damage territory.

Trust is one of the most important things that tie a family together. This is particularly true for spouses. If there is anyone in the world that a person would invest trust in, they would always choose members of the family first before anyone else. It is, however, quite difficult to trust someone who appears to have different interests at heart. There are many people with substance abuse issues who resort to lying and stealing from spouses or other family members just to support their habit, as a drug habit could be quite expensive.

This loss of trust could also stem from the person with the substance abuse issue. Many people who have an addiction are also prone to severe paranoia. In others, it could be some leftover sense of guilt over the realization of what their habit is doing, which ironically will only cause them deeper into their addiction, as they believe no one else will invest any trust in them anyway.

Disagreements are perfectly normal in any kind of relationship, as each person is a unique individual and will not necessarily always agree with what others say, even if the other person is a spouse or sibling. In cases of substance abuse, however, the arguments are fueled by something far more serious than just a simple disagreement. Apart from the fact that people with a substance abuse disorder are quite difficult to have a decent conversation with, the emotional investment involved in an argument with a spouse is magnified when part of the problem is addiction.

The issue of addiction has even been used as grounds for divorce in many instances, although many counselors advise couples to seek family therapy together or at the very least support the partner that has an addiction to aid in their recovery. Many couples, however, typically choose to separate instead, particularly if there are children involved, to spare the children from the difficulty of living a life with a parent who suffers from an addiction.

While many couples do fulfill their vows of “in sickness and in health”, some take it even further. A sad reality of having a spouse who has an addiction is that the other partner also risks developing the habit themselves, particularly if they indulge the other partner instead of confronting them. This is not an uncommon thing, as there are so many people who end up with a substance abuse disorder mainly because they were having a relationship with someone who already had it.

Some of these instances begin in the form of support, as the sober partner tries to convince the other partner how bad addiction is by getting into it as well. In most cases, this backfires because the formerly-sober partner also develops a taste for the substance, and they both end up being fully immersed in addiction. This is one instance where the wedding vows should not be followed as it would only result in more trouble.

Many spouses tend to accept their partners regardless of the troubles they come with, including substance abuse. It is not uncommon for husbands or wives to simply carry on as if nothing is wrong with their spouse, in the hopes that someday they will get their act together and get help for their destructive habit. The problem here, however, is that with only one member of the couple doing all the work, it could further strain the relationship in a way that is completely avoidable.

Many faithful spouses suffer in this manner, as they struggle to keep the family together while eking out a living for the family. This could become an even bigger problem once the person with addiction begins to succumb to the damage done by their bad habit. The damage could require hospitalization, an addiction treatment program in Idaho, and exorbitantly-priced medications. This is particularly true if the person with the addiction requires an organ transplant to replace the one already damaged by their bad habit.

Turning to other people for succor is a very human response, although, in the case of people who have a spouse that is an addict, the situation is often compounded because the succor given by another person could very well influence acts of infidelity. The sober partner could find the care and attention they desperately crave from others, and this could lead to a situation where they have relations with the person they find the care and attention from.

This situation could be a bigger disaster because it is not uncommon for many relationships to quickly turn dangerous and even fatal in cases like this. A person with an addiction is also quite likely to be mentally unstable and could react explosively once they learn that their spouse is already in the arms of another person. There are many horrific instances where the spouse who is an addict turns their anger towards whoever they find with them in the house, which is often their children.

The process of separation is hardly a smooth transition, regardless of the stories of “amicable settlements” that supposedly happened between educated former partners. There will always be the issue of unspoken anger, doubts over finances, and other matters that are suddenly brought out when one member of the couple files for divorce. Having a spouse who has an addiction issue provides the other partner with additional ammunition to use in the legal battle that typically follows a messy divorce.

For someone who is already hard on finances, having the additional financial concerns of obligations that turn out during the divorce proceedings could be devastating. This problem could further drive the person with addiction into despondency until they do something they will regret.