Many men struggle to face their emotions head-on. Instead of acknowledging and accepting what they feel, they might distract themselves with work, relationships, or substances.
Learning how to sit with your feelings (without judgment or avoidance) is one of the most valuable skills for emotional and mental health. Rather than trying to push your feelings away, sitting with them helps you observe and validate your emotional experience. When you learn how to tolerate those emotions instead of avoiding them, you build resilience, self-awareness, and long-term stability.
When you sit with your feelings, you strengthen your ability to tolerate discomfort. Our instinct is often to react quickly or avoid difficult emotions. But trusting your instinct to acknowledge and sit with these feelings can help you process them more effectively. Many people view emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety as “bad,” but emotions are simply signals — data points that tell us something about our inner world or environment.
Emotional tolerance doesn’t mean wallowing in pain or staying stuck. It means recognizing that emotions come and go, and that you’re capable of feeling them without being destroyed by them. The more you practice tolerating difficult emotions, the less power they have over your choices.
Ignoring emotions doesn’t make them vanish. It only pushes them beneath the surface where they can manifest as physical tension, irritability, or impulsive behavior. Leaving emotions unprocessed can make things worse, as overwhelming feelings may intensify and become harder to manage.
When emotions are buried, they tend to leak out in unhelpful ways. This can take the shape of snapping at loved ones, overindulging in alcohol, or feeling constantly restless without knowing why. Many people explore healthier coping skills through therapy or alcohol rehab, where naming and sitting with feelings helps the brain process them naturally and reduce their intensity over time.
For many people, difficulty coping with strong emotions is what leads them toward substance use. Drugs and alcohol can temporarily numb pain, anxiety, or loneliness — but they also prevent genuine healing. They don’t help solve problems or even help with dealing with negative feelings in the future. By practicing emotional awareness and acceptance, it’s possible to create a foundation for lasting recovery.
Signs That Someone Isn’t Sitting with Their Emotions
It’s not always easy to recognize when someone is avoiding emotional responses. Sometimes avoidance can look like productivity, or even positivity. But underneath the surface, unacknowledged emotions continue to build up pressure. Recognizing the signs of emotional avoidance can help you (or someone you love) begin to reconnect with your inner experience.
When you’re uncomfortable with your own emotions, it’s common to shift your attention to others. This can take the form of trying to fix their problems or take on their burdens. Caring for others can be healthy, but doing so at the expense of your own needs can indicate emotional avoidance. You might be unconsciously trying to distract yourself from your pain by becoming overly responsible for others, instead of taking time to pay attention to your feelings.
Substances like alcohol, drugs, or even excessive caffeine can be ways of numbing or altering emotions. Instead of confronting anger, sadness, or anxiety directly, people may reach for something that provides quick relief. Unfortunately, these short-term coping strategies can create long-term problems, including dependency and emotional detachment.
Phrases like “I’m fine,” “It’s whatever,” or “I don’t want to talk about it” can act as shields against vulnerability. When you dismiss your own feelings, your emotional needs are not being acknowledged. Repeatedly dismissing emotions in this way keeps them unprocessed. Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion or even physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or muscle tension.
Constantly analyzing a situation without connecting to the actual feeling underneath is another subtle form of avoidance. Overthinking creates the illusion of control, but it often delays emotional processing. The mind becomes busy trying to solve a “problem” that may simply need to be felt and released.
Avoiding quiet moments or keeping yourself perpetually busy can be signs that you’re avoiding emotional awareness. When every spare minute is filled with distractions (such as scrolling through social media, working late, or binge-watching shows), it leaves little space for genuine reflection. This is essential for moving forward emotionally.
Steps for How to Sit with Feelings
Learning to sit with your feelings is a gradual process and is considered a healthy way to process emotions. It takes time, patience, and self-compassion. But it is possible to practice and improve the ability to sit with emotions, just like with any other skill.
Emotional awareness requires slowing down. Find a quiet space where you can be alone without distractions. You might close your eyes, take deep breaths, or practice grounding techniques (such as feeling your feet on the floor or noticing the rhythm of your breath). As you do this, focus your attention on your breath or physical sensations to anchor yourself in the present moment.
The goal is to calm your nervous system enough to tune in to your inner experience and become aware of each moment as it unfolds. When your body feels safe, your mind becomes more open to observing emotions without panic or judgment.
Many people grow up in environments where emotions are dismissed or punished. Over time, they internalize beliefs like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I need to be stronger.” Practicing self-validation (affirming your own feelings without needing external approval) can help counter these beliefs. Emotions are not weaknesses, but natural human responses.
Validation means acknowledging your emotions as legitimate, even if they’re painful or inconvenient. You can say to yourself, “It makes sense that I feel sad about this,” or “Anyone in my situation might feel angry too.” This simple act of validation helps to break cycles of shame, self-judgment, and self-criticism. This can create space for healing.
Putting words to what you feel, such as anger or fear, can be surprisingly powerful. If it’s hard to identify what you’re feeling, start with basic categories (mad, sad, glad, scared) and work to name more specific feelings.
The key is to observe without judging your emotions as good or bad—there is no wrong way to feel. Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel jealous,” try “I notice I’m feeling jealousy right now.” Awareness, not analysis, is the goal.
Emotions don’t just exist in the mind — they also live in the body. When you experience strong feelings, you might notice tightness in your chest, a lump in your throat, tension in your shoulders, or a racing feeling in your stomach. These physical sensations can help you connect more deeply to your emotional state. When you observe how your body holds emotions (especially those linked to trauma responses), you can begin to release that energy through breathwork, stretching, or gentle movement.
Sometimes it feels easier to show compassion to others than to ourselves. Imagine a friend feeling the same emotion you’re experiencing. How would you comfort them? What would you say?
This exercise helps shift your internal dialogue from criticism to care. You might realize that you deserve the same grace and understanding you’d offer someone else. Self-compassion can help build emotional resilience, making it easier to face difficult feelings in the future.
Sitting with Emotions in Recovery
For those in recovery, individuals often find that learning to sit with feelings is one of the most transformative parts of the healing journey. Addiction often begins as a response to emotional pain. In recovery, the work involves learning new ways to respond to those same negative emotions without turning to substances.
Emotional awareness can help reduce the risk of relapse by addressing the root causes of stress and discomfort. By learning to name and tolerate emotions, individuals gain the ability to respond thoughtfully instead of react impulsively.
Sitting with emotions doesn’t mean drowning in them. It means allowing the feeling to move through you naturally. It’s about trusting that feelings, no matter how intense, will pass. Over time, this practice can help you build up confidence and self-trust, showing you that you can handle life without needing to escape from it.
The Long-Term Benefits of Sitting with Feelings
When practiced regularly, emotional awareness and acceptance can have far-reaching benefits for both mental health and recovery. People who can sit with their feelings have the chance to experience:
- Lower stress levels: Mindfulness-based emotional regulation reduces physiological stress responses.
- Improved relationships: Being in tune with personal emotions can help improve communication and empathy.
- Better decision-making: Awareness of emotions allows for more deliberate choices instead of impulsive reactions.
- Enhanced resilience: The more a person can notice and face discomfort, the stronger and more adaptable they have the ability to become.
- Reduced relapse risk: Emotional awareness helps people to recognize triggers early and respond in healthy ways.
Over time, a person who learns how to sit with feelings is able to experience emotions as temporary waves rather than permanent states. Feelings are not threats, but guides that can help you understand yourself more deeply.
Receive Mental Health Support at Eagle Creek Ranch Recovery
If sitting with your emotions feels overwhelming, you don’t have to face it alone. At Eagle Creek Ranch Recovery, our team provides compassionate mental health and addiction treatment. We understand how hard it can be to feel emotions that have been buried for years. But with the right guidance, you can build the tools to face them with strength and confidence.
Reach out today to learn how professional support, therapy, and holistic recovery programs can help you break free from avoidance and move toward lasting wellness. We’re not here to judge you or your choices. We’re here to help you build a new life.
Clinical Director
Kendall Maloof is the clinical director at Eagle Creek Ranch Recovery. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and has held multiple leadership roles before settling here at Eagle Creek Ranch Recovery. Kendall received her master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in 2016. Her career in mental and behavioral health began in 2014 when she took up internships in both the nonprofit and for profit sectors. She interned at multiple reputable companies, such as The Living Success Center and 449 Recovery in California.
In 2019, Kendall became the clinical director of Sunsets Recovery for Woman, a dual diagnosis program in southern California. Kendall is a natural leader. She has an incredible ability to problem solve and stay calm in any situation. Kendall never fails to show up when she is needed, and her calm demeanor makes her team and clients feel at ease. Eagle Creek Ranch Recovery is proud to have Kendall as our clinical director.
